Lawyers vs. Witnesses:

Strange Lawyers and Clever Witnesses

Recently reported in the Mass. Bar Assn. Lawyer's Journal, these are

questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in

certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

 1) "Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

 2) "The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?"

 3) "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

 4) "Were you alone or by yourself?"

 5) "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

 6) "Did he kill you?"

 7) "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

 8) "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

 9) "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10) Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was Aug. 8th?"

  A: "Yes."

  Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

11) Q: "She had three children, right?"

  A: "Yes."

  Q: "How many were boys?"

  A: "None."

  Q: "Were there any girls?"

12) Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

  A: "All of my autopsies are performed on dead people."

13) Q: "All of your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?"

  A: "Oral."

14) Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"

  A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."

  Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"

  A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy."

15) Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

  A: "No."

  Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

  A: "No."

  Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy?"

  A: "No."

  Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

  A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

  Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"