Signs of the Times:

Humorous signs from all over

> Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

> In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY

> PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

> Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF

> In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND

> UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

> Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING

> MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

> Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.

> Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,OUT

> FOR DINNER ALSO

> Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO

> OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

> Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE

> WELCOME

> Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT

> WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

> Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING

> PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE

> WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP

> THEM IN ORDER

> Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE

> FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

> Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL

> PUMPS.YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

> Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

> Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

> Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T

> KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

> Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR

> FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

> Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU

> HOW TO GET LESSONS

> Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD

> ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

> Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND

> THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT